A week after my 18th birthday and meeting that guy at the pub I went back to the same pub hoping to see him there again. But he wasn't there. I saw a few old neighbours there and got really drunk. At the end of the night I went home with this other guy. Of course I didn't want to. I was just doing what I thought Mum would have wanted me to. Plus me being extremely intoxicated didn't help me rationalise the situation. I felt disgusting the next day and never saw the guy again.
Not long after that I bumped into the guy I met on my birthday and we started dating. I put the whole lesbian thing at the very back of my mind. Although I did mention to him that I was with a girl before him but he was so homophobic he didn't want to hear it and got mad at me whenever I looked at a girl. He would call me a dirty dyke all the time. So to get his approval as well as my mothers I continued to live this fake life.
A few weeks after we had started dating I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know who the father was. I had been with the two men. When I worked out the dates it was most likely the first guys baby but there was no way to be sure. I was very honest about the whole thing and my boyfriend decided that it didn't matter who's baby it was and he would be his or her father.
We had a horrible relationship. We didn't love each other and would fight constantly.
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